


You Can Never Go Home

by IllegalCerebral



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Case Fic, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Murder Mystery, Unsolved Murder, coming home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 09:45:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11575512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllegalCerebral/pseuds/IllegalCerebral
Summary: The Reader left her hometown fifteen years ago after being accused of a terrible crime. Now an FBI agent, she and the BAU are called back to investigate a series of brutal stabbings while dealing with hostile locals and buried secrets.





	1. The Case

You were running late that morning. The rest of the team were at their desks or milling around the coffee machine as you rushed in breathlessly.

“Long night?” teased Luke as you dropped your bag on your desk.

“My alarm didn’t go off and then traffic was bad.” you shot back with a grin

“Yeah kind of a running story with you” said Luke. You were preparing a snappy comeback when Emily came up behind him

“Can I borrow you for a sec y/n?”

You nodded, your heart dropping slightly. You had been with the BAU for about eighteen months now and you desperately still wanted to prove yourself especially to Emily who you kind of hero worshipped.

“Agent Prentiss” your words tumbled out as she closed the door to her office behind you “Im sorry about being late this morning and earlier this week and last week. I don’t want you to think I am not taking this job seriously. I am I-”

Emily held up a hand and for one awful moment you thought you were being fired. When she spoke however her tone was gentle, caring even.

“This isn’t about your lateness. We have a case”

“Oh okay” you said “Why hasn’t it been presented to the team?”

“The case is in Eddowes Creek”

Your hometown.

Oh no, please no

“W-what happened?”

“Its a possible serial murder” said Emily “I’ll go into more detail in the bullpen if you decide to come with us”

You nodded numbly. This isn’t happening.

“All things considered I would understand if you wanted to sit this one out but-” she leaned forward and reached out to take you hand “that offer is not a reflection on you or my opinion of you. As far as I am concerned you are an innocent party but I would understand if you felt uncomfortable going”

“No” the answer surprised even you “You’re right. I did nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of. Plus Eddowes Creek is a small town. Very Insular. Everyone knows everyone else and it would be beneficial to have an insiders eye”

Emily smiled broadly at you, releasing your hand. She hadn’t dared hope you would say yes, she wasn’t sure she would have in your shoes.

“You know that this means the team will probably find out right?”

“I know. If its okay I’d prefer to wait until I absolutely need to tell them?”

“Understood. Shall we?”

* * *

“Okay Avengers you are heading to the little town of Eddowes Creek. The second woman in nine months has been found dumped in the woodlands on the outskirts of town after being strangled” Garcia avoided looking at the brutal images on the screen behind her as she addressed the team.

You couldn’t look either. 

“Isn’t that your neck of the woods y/n?” Rossi cut in. All eyes were on you. 

“Yeah” you tried to sound calm “Born and raised.” 

“It looks tiny” added Tara “Im guessing this is the first time something like this has happened there?” 

“Pretty much. Who are they?” You nodded to the screen trying to redirect everyone’s focus. 

“Kaity Bowers was a 34-year-old bank teller who went missing first after leaving work and was found two weeks later naked and missing her eyes” Garcia shuddered. 

“An enucleator!” said Reid “Those cuts look clean. It could indicate medical training.” 

“Its a big hunting area too” you added “What about victim number two?” 

“Sasha Morrison, 30, she was a teaching assistant. Her husband reported her missing nine days ago and she was found by a hiker yesterday afternoon. Same deal. Naked, face up and no eyes” 

“What about sexual assault?” asked Reid. 

“No thank God” said Garcia. 

“Could be impotent” said Luke “If that’s the case the enucleation could be what’s getting him off” 

“There’s nothing to suggest he won’t strike again” said Emily “Wheels up in 20”

 


	2. That Girl's Not Right

You couldn’t focus on the plane ride. The rest of the team reviewed the files and threw round theories but you didn’t contribute except when some asked about some aspect of the town.

“You okay?” Rossi touched your shoulder as everyone grabbed their stuff after the plane landed.

“Yeah Im good” you said, forcing a smile.

“I know it can be tough going home” he said softly. You just nodded, you thought you had hidden it better than that.

Your stomach was in knots as you approached the sheriff’s station. Everyone bundled up the stairs behind Emily but you hung back. Maybe you should have stayed at Quantico. This was wrong. You couldn’t handle it after all.

Sheriff Coleman was older than you remembered. You had to remind yourself that it had been fifteen years. His thick hair was white and his faced was lined but still set in a permenant scowl. His gaze swept over the team as each one was introduced by Emily. Then it fell on you and your stomach flipped. 

“We heard you were a fed now” he drawled “Didn’t think you’d be back for this though” Another voice cut in. 

“We didn’t think they let murderers into the FBI” Pam, the station manageress/receptionist almost spat out the words from behind her next. You could almost feel the blood drain from your face. Pam and the Sheriff just scowled but the look on each of your teammates’ faces was worse. Confusion. Shock. Horror. No words would come out of your mouth, you just stood there, the air thick and heavy around you. Emily cut in to your eternal gratitude. 

“The FBI only lets in the best and brightest” she said calmly with a smile that dared anyone to contradict her “And Agent y/n was only ever a witness in your investigation correct? I’ve reviewed the case files sent to the bureau when Agent Gideon was asked to consult-”  _wait, what?_  “-and I agreed with his assessment that you were looking for an adult male killer rather than a teenage girl.” Emily paused to let them consider the withering tone in which she had delivered that last part before continuing. “Agent y/n came to us with an impressive academic background and extensive professional experience and has proved herself an asset to this team several times over. I trust her presence here won’t be a problem?” 

“No ma'am” said Coleman reluctantly. Emily nodded tersely before asking to be taken to a quiet room where you could all set up. You were still shaking when he left you alone. It was Rossi that broke the silence. 

“So he’s still an asshole”

You looked at him in shock 

“Wait, weren’t you retired from the BAU at that point?”

“Gideon called me up for a second opinion when he was asked to look over the case. The locals didn’t take too kindly to being told they were wrong but I agreed with him” The rest of the team bar Emily were regarding you with anticipation. You sighed. 

“So when I was sixteen my high school boyfriend Toby and I were down by the river. We had cut school. I had to go home when it started getting dark but Toby stayed and-” your voice broke. 

Emily reached out and placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. You took a deep breath. 

“The next morning Sheriff Coleman knocked on the door and they had found Toby by the river. Someone had beaten and drowned him. I was the last person to see him alive so I was questioned. I was never charged but people thought…” Your eyes began to sting. 

“Toby was a big kid” Rossi added “Pushing six foot already and a star on the wrestling team. He put up a fight. I’m not sure y/n could take him now let alone when she was a kid. But small town mentality will out” 

“Its brave of you to come back” said Tara with a reassuring smile.

“Its my job” you said with a sad shrug. 

“So are the locals going to be a problem here?” asked Luke 

“We just wanna solve this thing same as you agent” a familiar voice said. 

“Dale!” You darted around the table and threw your arms around the tall guy who entered. He was the spitting image of Sherriff Coleman but twenty five years younger and his demeanor was the exact opposite. It had been at least fifteen years since you last saw and he looked so much more mature now but he had the same boyish grin as when you were kids.

“Everyone this is Dale Coleman he’s an old friend” 

“It’s Deputy Coleman now” he said proudly “I’m gonna be working with you guys. Anything you need I can get you. We just want justice for these girls” 

“Dale is one of the good guys and he knows everyone in town.”

“Glad to have you onboard Deputy” said Emily “Could you accompany Dr Lewis and Agent Alvez to the latest crime scene? Dave can you take the first crime scene? JJ and I will stay here and talk to Kaity and Sasha’s families while y/n and Reid head to the coroners”

Everyone moved at once. You were just about to follow Reid out of the door when Emily stopped you.

“I meant every word I said back there” she said softly “And Tara is right. It’s brave of you to come back here”. Your eyes were begining to sting again and all you could manage was a throaty thank you before you scurried out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title comes from the song "Hazard" by Richard Marx


	3. In The Cracks

As you followed Reid out of the station you spotted Pam hovering with two other women. One you vaguely recognised as a teacher at the local school and the other was a neighbor of Toby’s family. They stopped whispering once they saw you and teacher strode over and stopped abrubtly in front of you.

Your stomach lurched but you stared her down, not speaking. The woman stared at you with such venom that you felt she could burn your eyes out.

“Umm can you excuse us? We have somewhere to be, federal business” Reid said.

The woman said nothing, she didn’t even look at Reid.

“You shouldn’t be here” she hissed and then spat on the ground in front of you before storming off.

You swallowed a sob before half jogging to the SUV.

“Hey y/n wait up!” Reid climbed in the car after you “Are you okay?”

You nodded but the tears were spilling down your face. God you felt so small and stupid. The tears wouldn’t stop coming and you were crying loudly, half screaming as you gripped the steering wheel. You felt Reid’s hand gently and gingerly touch your shoulder. You felt like a scared teenage girl again rather than a federal agent.

For about ten minutes you carried on crying with Reid staying silent beside you. Finally, with a deep, shuddering breath you leant back in your seat, trying to regain composure.

“I’m okay, I’m okay” you said, half to yourself and half to reassure Reid who was looking at you with concern. He didn’t seem to buy it.

“Honestly I’m fine. I guess I just thought…” you threw up your hands “I dunno I thought maybe some of the anger would have died down. Or maybe that people would have come around to the fact that I couldn’t have done it.” Your eyes began to sting again.

“You have to hold on to the truth” said Reid, his voice gentle, like when he was speaking to victims or witnesses “You know you’re innocent and no one can take that away from you”

“Is that what helped you? After Mexico I mean?”

Reid bit his lip and for a moment you thought you’d massively overstepped the mark but when he spoke his voice was warm.

“Yes. Having the team believe me helped a lot but in prison…” he trailed off and frowned. You felt bad for bringing it up. You had been new to the team but even knowing him by reputation alone, the idea that he could have killed a woman in a drug induced rage was ridiculous. 

“You’re braver than I am. I couldn’t have handled that.” you shook your head fiercely. He smiled at you.

“You’re brave too. It took a lot of courage to come back here. I’m guessing Emily gave you the chance to stay back? I probably would have in your shoes knowing that people were like that woman” he looked at you sadly “Was it always like that?”

“Oh yeah. The only people who ever believed me was my family so it was impossible to live here after Toby”

“You were sent away?”

“Yeah I lived with an Aunt and Uncle. It was nice not to be treated like a murderer but it was…”

“Lonely?’

“Yeah, really fucking lonely. I felt like I was being punished even though I was innocent and the people I loved were being punished too. Danny, my brother, got it pretty rough when he started high school but he’s a tough kid. Mom and Dad never let any of it get to them. They stayed, I think it was more to prove a point than anything else.”

Reid gave your shoulder another quick squeeze.

“Brave family”

“Yeah” you smiled broadly at him “They’re good people”

“So are you. We’re here for you. All of us. Emily was right”

Your heart swelled at that. 

“Thanks” you take a deep breath, unable to manage anything more than that “Ready to go?”

* * *

The coroner was from out of town so at least you didn’t need to endure any judgement from her. She was a non-nonsense, professional but you could tell that this one had got to her.

Even after a year and a half you weren’t totally over the shock of seeing dead bodies and Sasha was around your age with similar colouring. She could have been you. She looked so fragile and delicate laid out under the white sheet, the purple bruises around her neck stark. It was a sad sight.

“How long had she been dead before she was found?” asked Reid.

“I’d guess she died shortly after she went missing’ said the coroner “There is bruising on the back of the head suggesting he may have knocked her out first but she was conscious when he strangled her. There are defensive marks on her hands. She was a tough girl, he took his time.”

“How so?” you asked

“The bruising is layered. He would choke her then release, choke then release. There’s bruising on her thighs also, I think he may have sat on top of her when he killed her.”

“I’m guessing he removed the eyes post mortem?” 

“Got it in one agent, very cleanly too”

“Ugh! Okay so the choking is torture along with method of killing. He isn’t raping them so the strangulation could be what’s getting him off?” you said.

“The eyes could be trophies in that case or the last part of the ritual”

“He wants to look them in the eyes as they die but doesn’t want them staring at him after?” you suggest. You shiver in the coldness of the morgue “Choking someone over and over…he wants them terrified”

“Was Kaity the same?” Reid asked.

The coroner showed you over to her desk where photos and notes on Kaity’s autopsy were laid out.

“Similar but not the same. She was choked too but he took less time over her and I found traces of a chlorophorm round her mouth along with fibres”

“So he drugged her to subdue her rather than a blow to the head. Perhap he was injured?” you suggested.

“Or he has bulked up in the last year to the point where he doesn’t need to drug her?”

“Kaity’s defensive wounds were more severe” said the coroner “And she doesn’t seem to be any fitter or stronger than Sasha was”

“It does take a lot of strength to strangle someone with your bare hands” said Reid “The eyes were removed post mortem again?”

“Exactly the same" 

“Was it as neat as Sasha?”

“Almost yeah”. You turned to Reid and saw the confusion you felt mirrored on his face.

“He could have a medical training and be used to that kind of delicate work” said Reid but he sounded doubtful

“Could there be more victims?” you asked “Enucleation is specialised and if these were his first victims the mutilation would messier right?”

“It’s definitely a possibility. We should check both angles”

You nodded in agreement and glanced over at Sasha one last time, feeling a pang in your chest. 

You and Reid made your way outside into the brilliant sunshine, glad to leave the morgue behind you.

In the car you checked in with the rest of the team and shared what you found out. 

“So he either got stronger between kills or was incapacitated in someway when he killed Kaity. We don’t think she was the first victim though. Garcia?”

“On it boy wonder!” chirped Garcia. 

“The dump sites are secluded and you would definitely need to be fit to make your way around them” said Tara “Did Sasha’s family give you anything?” 

“Sasha’s parents told us that she went to the Sheriff’s department a few times about four months ago because she thought she saw the same guy hanging around her work and then outside a bar where she was meeting some friends” said JJ “The whole thing was brushed off but she never saw him again ” 

More A+ police work there, you thought. 

“We’ll head back to the hotel to meet up with you guys” you said 

“Actually” Emily said hesitantly “Apparently there was a mix up with the booking and we don’t have rooms there anymore” 

“So they heard I was in town?” 

Emily didn’t answer that directly but you could tell. 

“One of the locals has offered to put us all up, apparently they have a big place on the outskirts of town. I’m texting you the address” A few seconds after she hung up your phone buzzed and you let out a laugh. 

“You know it?” asked Reid 

“Oh yeah” 

* * *

You were last to arrive outside the large converted barn, the sun was setting and a figure was lounging on the porch. 

“Wow this is nice” said Reid 

“It used to be a huge working farm up until about fifty years ago. Its more of a smallholding now but they train students from the local agricultural college”. 

You could tell Reid was about to ask how you knew all this when the figure came down from the porch, arms spread wide. She was a kind looking woman with eyes identical to yours. You fell into her embrace.

“Hey Mom”


	4. Ghosts From The Past

“Aw baby we’ve missed you so much!” You had forgotten how tight her hugs were and you were begining to wonder if she was ever going to let you go. Finally she stepped back, taking you in.

The last time you’d seen her was a few months previously when both your parents had come to visit. For obvious reasons they came to you as opposed to the other way round. She had never seen you in “FBI mode” before.

“You look so impressive”

“Mom please”

“What? You do! Doesn’t she?” She finally turned to Reid.

“Um yes?”

“Mom this is Dr Reid. Reid this is my Mom”

“Please to meet you Ma'am”

“Ma'am!” Your mother exclaimed with delight as she led you both inside and towards the back of the house “My God your co-workers are so charming and may I say handsome? Everyone’s started eating but there’s plenty left”.

She bounced into the room while you mouthed a ‘sorry’ to Reid who had gone bright pink.

“She calls it how she sees it” you grinned “the woman has no filter. But she is an excellent cook…”

As you entered the dining room you were greeted by a feast that could easily have fed the population of a small country. The entire team was there, plates piled high and chatting and laughing. Your father was at the head of the table deep in conversation with Emily but he rose to hug you when you came in.

“I’m proud of you kiddo” he whispered in your ear. You murmured a thanks before grabbing an empty seat next to your younger brother. Reid took the seat opposite and your mother immediately started piling food onto his plate. You suppressed a giggle as his eyes widened.

“Hands down, this is the best meal I’ve had on a case” declared Luke while the others murmured their agreement. You smiled proudly at your mother. It was hard being away from home so much, the food was something you missed in particular.

“Its better than what they serve down at the shitty motel” your brother nudged you and grinned. You rolled your eyes, grabbing the mashed potatoes.

“That was so wrong of them to kick you out” your mother’s eyes darkened. You could feel a rant coming on but your father cut in.

“Danny mind your language. He’s right though. Food’s better here”

“It’s like they don’t even want to solve those murders!” Apparently your Mom wasn’t going to be put off.

“Coleman’s a jackass”

“Danny seriously, language” Your Dad shot him one of his looks but when he turned away you gave Danny a sneaky fist bump under the table. There was a   
large age gap between the two of you but you got on well.

“Those poor girls. How do you deal with seeing that on a daily basis?” your mother asked.

“We focus on the lives we save Mom” you answered.

“Is it true their eyes were missing?”

“Danny!”

“What?”

“That was supposed to be kept from the public?” JJ frowned “Where did you hear that?”

“Keith at school” Danny shrugged.

“Pam’s son” you clarified

“That charming lady at the station?” Rossi raised an eyebrow.

“That would be her” your father said “I wouldn’t expect much information to stay private here”

“I’ll have a word with the Sheriff tomorrow” said Emily, darkly.

“With all the respect in the world Agent, I doubt it would make a difference” said your Dad “People here are stubborn and certain things are valued much less than they should be”.

“We’re getting that impression” said Tara “You avoid the worst of it on the outskirts here?”

“Thank the Lord” your mother gave one of her legendary eye rolls. 

“So…he did take their eyes?”

“Danny for God’s sake!”

“Yes he did. We call that enucleation”

“Reid please, we’re eating” said Emily

“Sorry”

“Okay so-”

“Danny I swear to God if you carry on I’m going to make you sleep in the barn”

“Mom this is useful information to have if I want to join the FBI!”

“Woah when did you decide this?” you asked. 

“Danny wants to follow in his sister’s footsteps” your Mother didn’t tone down her boasting for a moment and you could feel the heat on your face as a grin swept around the team.

“Everyone else here is an FBI agent Mom, no one is impressed”

“We’re impressed”

“Dad!”

“Are you interested in behavioural analysis Danny?” asked Reid.

“Hell yeah!” Danny said “I have so many questions. For instance when-”

“Not when we’re eating please” said your Mother and everyone laughed. Reid promised to lend Danny some books, age appropriate of course and conversation steered round to more normal topics as everyone finished their meal and the dessert that followed. 

* * *

It was late when everyone was shown to their rooms. You had your old childhood bedroom while the team doubled up in the rooms usually reserved for guests or the students that worked on the farm.

As you got ready for bed there was a soft knock at the door.

“Come in”

“Hey” Luke stuck his head around the door.

“Careful, my parents have strict rules about be sneaking boys in here” you smiled at him. He glanced around the room, “I haven’t slept in here - or redecorated - since I was sixteen. Don’t judge”

“I’m saying nothing” said Luke, still hovering in the doorway. His tone suddenly grew serious “Reid told me what happened outside the Sheriff’s station. Are you okay?”

You bit back the urge to snap at him. Reid was only being a good friend afterall and it was sweet they were so concerned about you.

“Don’t be mad at him” said Luke “He was clearly worried and I pressed him”

“I’m not mad. Please tell him I’m not mad. I just…it was a shock”

“I’ll bet it was. Are you going to tell Emily?”

“No, our relationship with these guys is difficult as it is. I just want to solve this case and get home”

“I understand, you know you can talk to me anytime right?”

“I know Luke. Goodnight”

“Goodnight y/n”

As he went back to the room he was sharing with Reid you caught a glimpse of your Mother further down the hall.

“How long were you eavesdropping?”

“Long enough. What was happening outside the station?”

You shrugged. You knew that deep down as happy she was too see you, she was desperately concerned about you being there. 

“Just people being stupid”

“There’s a lot of that going round”

You shrugged again but you couldn’t hide the sadness you were feeling. Your mother wrapped her arms around you, stroking your hair like when you were a little girl. You stayed there for what seemed like forever.

“So…Luke seems very nice”

You broke out of the hug, rolling your eyes.

“And the doctor, Spencer? He sounded very concerned about you”

“Mom, really? Their colleagues, friends”

“Uh huh. Well, sweet dreams”

“Yeah, Night”

You weren’t sure how long you had been asleep when someone shook you awake, whispering your name urgently.

“Huh?”

“Hey” Reid’s face greeted you. He looked concerned.

“Wasgoinon?”

“There’s been another victim”

Five minutes later, after you had pulled on some clothes and grabbed your badge and gun, you were stumbling into the car. You were still sleep addled as Emily relayed what the Sheriff’s department had called in.

“A group of high school kids was fooling around in the woods when they came across the naked body of a young woman. Most of them freaked and left the scene but two called the police. No ID yet but she’s definitely been strangled. Garcia is checking missing person reports”

“Wait” you have been struck by a thought “Where in the woods was she found?”

“Uhh let me see” Emily checked the map on her phone “Just south of the river by an abandoned hunting lodge”

“About a mile from the main road?”

“Yeah, exactly. You know it?”

“It’s a well known local spot. Kind of a lover’s lane”

It’s was also a short way away from where Toby had died…

* * *

You got out of the car at the scene and in all honesty you weren’t sure how your legs were moving. You had come here as a teenager with Toby when you first started dating. It brought back a lot of memories. You peered into the woods and for a moment you thought you could almost hear the rush of running water even though you were nowhere near close enough.

_“We’re going to be in so much trouble when my Mom finds out” you sighed contentedly “Your dad is going to freak when he find out you bailed on practice”_

_Toby just grinned, tracing circles on your leg. The two of you were stretched out on a picnic blanket, the sound of the river was the only noise._

_‘It’s worth it, just to be here with you. I hate having my dad listening at the door whenever you come over”_

_“Or my Mom bursting in with ‘snacks’ every thirty seconds” you snorted._

_“You know I love you right?” he said, his voice suddenly serious._

_“I know” you said softly. His lips were on yours, his hands on your waist, teasing at the waistband of your jeans. It was heaven, just the two of you there…_

“Y/N?” Reid’s voice broke through the memory “If you want to head to the station, no one will judge you” 

“No” you said, more firmly than you intended “I can do this”

He gave you a reassuring smile before going to examine the body. You couldn’t quite bring yourself to follow so you headed over to where Dale Coleman was deep in conversation with his father, Emily and Tara.

“Her name is Stella Reddick” the Sheriff was saying. He paused when he saw you but continued “She thirty three, owns a local vintage store”. He glanced over to where the coroner was placing her in the body bag, a look of pain flashed across his face. “I know the family. I should be the one to let them know”. Emily nodded and he stalked off. You felt a pang of sympathy for him.

“You were first on the scene?” you asked Dale

“Yeah. It’s awful. Everyone in town is on high alert, I can’t imagine how this happened. This guy is smart.” Dale shook his head.

“Was she reported missing?” asked Tara. Dale shook his head.

“He may have abducted her, killed her and then dumped her in a really short amount of time. Usually we see these UNSUBs take longer with each victim. The strangulation is what gets him off, he’d want to prolong that”

“Two victims this close together means he is devolving” said Emily “Or he is impatient to get to the source of his anger and the surrogates aren’t satisfying him anymore”

‘Why dump her here?” Reid asked as he and Rossi re-joined the group.

“When we were kids the woods were a good place to sneak off to for some…privacy” you said “Plus the lodge is pretty much still intact. It could be used all year round”

“Hadley Woods is kind of infamous since…” Dale trailed off and shot you an apologetic look “The river is over that way. Close enough but not too close you know? It’s part of the draw.” You swallowed, feeling sick. Everyone else was looking at you with sympathy. You tried to shake the feeling off.

“The other two victims were also found in wooded areas” you said “There actually connected if I remember right but I’d need to check a map”

“Do they all have the same kind of reputation as here?” asked Reid.

“Making out yes. Murder no” you said.

“That can’t be a coincidence” said Tara “This guys feels emasculated, impotent. Maybe he’s picking these dump sites as a message to people who he sees as having something he doesn’t”

“Wait hold on” Dale was frowning “Isn’t that a big leap? How do you know he’s impotent or emasculated?”

“There’s no sexual assault” said Emily.

“Yeah but doesn’t that just mean he’s a murderer not a rapist?”

“Most crimes like these have a sexual component” you explained but Dale looked doubtful. He’d always been kind of prudish. “Here the strangulation is where he gets a sexual release”.

Dale just shrugged and headed back over to his fellow deputies. 

‘We should head back to the station” said Emily “JJ is there checking in with Garcia. Let’s see if we can find anymore victims before Kaity and if we know where he started we might be able to anticipate where he’s going”

As everyone headed back to the SUVs you turned back towards the river one last time. The sun had just begun to rise and the sky was begining to turn red. You shivered, like someone was walking over your grave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks so much for reading! Feel free to head over to my tumblr to chat about theories, character stuff or anything. I love having a chat!


	5. Close To Home

JJ greeted you all as you piled into the small room at the back of the station, eyes bleary and faces grim.

“That bad huh?” asked JJ.

“That bad” said Rossi “Did you manage to find out anything with Garcia?”

“Actually yeah” said JJ “Garcia you’re speaker, tell them what you told me”

“Okay first of all I am never working at this ungodly hour again”

“Garcia!”

“Secondly I widened my search from the past five years to ten years and I found two murders that could be our guy”

“Not in Eddowes Creek” you said with a frown “There haven’t been that many murders here”

“Correct my feisty friend. Both were in the charmingly named Morning Springs It’s thirty five miles away. Melanie Stevens was a twenty two year old bar maid. She was killed five years ago. Her colleagues saw her chatting to some guy as she was shutting up in the early hours of the morning. She was missing for two weeks before her body was found in some local woodlands. She had been strangled and her eyes gouged out. Pictures should be on your tablets”

Your phone buzzed but you ignored it in favour of going over the grisly crime scene photos.

“It’s not as neat or precise as Kaity and Sasha” said Tara

“If you say so, I couldn’t look” Garcia said and her shudder was nearly audible.

“You said there were two victims?” asked Reid.

“Yeah that one is an odd one. Elizabeth Stayer was nineteen and working as a prostitute. She was found much quicker because he didn’t hide the body the way he did with the others. She was strangled and her eyes were gounged out, ME said it was probably with thumbs or fingers - excuse me” Garcia had to pause and you didn’t blame her, it was taking all you had not to gag as you looked at the pictures in front of you. “Ugh sorry. Yes, so that part was the same but he also beat her pretty badly and he didn’t have time to remove her clothes.”

“When was this?” asked Emily

“Eight years ago”

“She was the first!” you exclaimed “It looks like he beat her first and then strangled her. He found he liked it so he stuck to strangulation afterwards”

“He also got more precise with the encluation and his victims got steadily lower risk” added Luke.

“His victims are also getting older so we can assume he is too” said Reid.

“But they have the same eye and hair colour as Kaity and Sasha meaning that they are mostly surrogates. I’m guessing it’s for a woman who rejected him somehow and who is around the same age as him and the victims”

Your phone buzzed again.

“There’s something else guys” said Garcia “It may not be related but a year before Elizabeth Stayer was murdered a prostitute in Grace Valley, Selena Armstrong was assaulted. She was beaten really badly and the guy who did it blinded her in one eye”

“Grace Valley is the next town over” you explained “It’s a ten minute drive if that”

“So he’s a local or he knows the area. Did she give a description Garcia?”

“No she wasn’t a big fan of the police but he was young, she guessed late teens early twenties”

“Okay he’s young, let’s say late twenties to early thirties. He is growing more confident with each attack and he’s been moving closer and closer to Eddowes Creek each time” Reid was plotting the points on the map “The object of his obsession could be local too and he’s working his way towards killing her”

“He’s been working towards this for years” said JJ “But he’s gone into overdrive within the last eighteen months. He bulked up, he’s leaving less time within kills. Something happened a year and a half ago to cause this in addition to whatever made him assault Selena nearly a decade ago”.

“Maybe he was just released from prison” said Emily “Garcia can you compile a list of anyone in the local area who got out of prison a year ago, start with people jailed for assaults and other violent crimes. This guy has major rage issues”

“On it supreme leader, Garcia out!”

“Okay we should have enough to deliver a profile once the Sheriff returns from informing the family of the latest victim.” said Emily.

Your phone buzzed and you fished it out from your pocket.

“Apparently there is breakfast back at my parents’ place” you said “The daily briefing isn’t until eleven so there’s time”

“God yes!” exclaimed Luke “If it’s even half as good as dinner last night then I’m in”. The rest of the team nodded their agreement. You smiled and let your mother know you’d be back soon.

* * *

You dozed on the car journey back and were still blinking away the sleep when you slid out of the car.

Something was wrong.

There were fresh tire tracks, not yours or your parents’, in the drive way and the front door was slightly ajar. You rushed inside. It was dark, all the curtains had been pulled and the house was unusually quiet.

You wandered through the front room and the kitchen until you got the dining room. It was dark the whole way through. A shiver went down your spine and your hand instinctively moved to the gun on your hip.

“Mom? Dad? Danny?”

Your stomach lurched as you pushed the door open. You could hear someone call your name from the front of the house but you ignored it. The metallic smell hit you first. It hung heavily in the air.

The three of them were sitting in the dark at the table, unmoving. Their hands were resting in front of them, their eyes were closed. You saw what looked like a tear glide down Danny’s cheek. Something was wrong, that wasn’t a tear, there was something wrong with their faces.

“Mommy? Daddy?”

Your voice was barely a whisper as you placed a hand on your father’s shoulder. he didn’t move and in your heart of hearts you hadn’t expected him to. You repeated the gesture with your mother, with Danny. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from their faces, your brain struggling to piece together what was so wrong, so abhorrent.

Then you began to scream.

The more you studied their faces, the more hysterical you became. You could hear the team burst into the room behind you.

“Their eyes. He took their eyes!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you for reading and apologies, this chapter got a bit dark. If you're interested, I always post sneak peeks of upcoming chapters on my tumblr - @illegalcerebral


	6. Torn Asunder

Everything was a blur. You had carried on screaming you knew that much. You were violently sick, your throat burnt and your head pounded. You cried until there were no tears left. Someone had tried to hold you back, to drag you from the house and you had resisted until you were exhausted. 

Someone, Rossi you thought, carried you to the SUV and everything after that was a swirling vortex of grey and bleeding eye sockets. When you opened your eyes you were in an unfamiliar bed, your shoes had been removed and a sick bowl and glass of water were on the bedside table. 

The room span around you as you clambered awkwardly of the bed and flung open the door. Emily, Tara and Luke were huddled together outside. They all turned to you with an identical look in their eyes: pity, sorrow and a kind of hopelessness like they didn’t know what to do or say. 

It took you several attempts to speak and when you did your voice was hoarse.

“Why?”

“Oh y/n” said Emily softly.

“Why them? It was the same guy right? W-why go from killing women to-to-to killing a family? I mean, it makes no sense right? Right!”

“We’re trying to figure that out” said Luke softly. His voice was like a knife. You dragged your fingers so hard through your hair you almost pulled it out by the roots.

“Is it me?” you asked after a moment “Is it because I came back here? Is it to stop us working the case?”

“We have no reason to think that at the moment” said Tara.

“Where are we?”

“This is Sheriff Coleman’s house-” Emily began. You cut her off by striding down the hall. Luke yelled after you.

“Not here. I’m not staying here” you yelled as you made your way down the stairs “where is the rest of the team?”

“At the cri-” Tara stopped herself from finishing that sentence.

_The crime scene._

_Where the victims are._

_Your childhood home, a crime scene._

_Dead Mom, dead Dad, dead Danny._

You felt a hand on your shoulder. Somehow you had made it to the bottom of the stairs with Emily at your heels. She released her hand as you turned towards her. 

“I-I-I” you couldn’t finish the sentence. You began to shake with the sobs and Emily pulled you into her arms as you cried.

“We are going to find this bastard, I promise you. You hear me? We are going to get this sick son of a bitch and he is going to rot in a prison cell for the rest of his life. Okay? I promise you this.”

“I need to see them. Please Emily, I can’t stay here. I can’t stay with people who think I’m…not after that…don’t you see?…They shouldn’t be alone” you rambled, barely making sense to yourself. Emily shushed you, stroked your hair. Like your mother had done.

“You can’t be involved in this. I know it’s hard, believe me. Reid and JJ are with your family. They stayed with them from the moment they left your house. They aren’t alone. They will be taken care of.”

_Where….? Oh the coroner….._

“Listen to me” Emily broke the embrace and looked you square in the eye “You are a victim now. You are part of this case. This will be the hardest thing in the world but I need you to stay here. We will back as soon as we possibly can.”

“No Emily, please” you protested but it was no use. You stood aside and let her pass, followed by Luke and Tara.

“Do you want one of us to stay?” asked Luke.

“I’ll keep an eye on her” Dale’s voice made you jump. You hadn’t realised he was even there.

“Thanks Deputy” said Emily “y/n we’ll be back soon, okay?”

“Okay. Be safe. Please be safe.” You couldn’t lose anyone else.

Dale put his arms around you after they left. You were grateful for the comfort, he’d been the same when Toby died.

“How about some soup? My own recipe.” he said brightly.

“Oh Dale, I dunno, I’m not hun-”

“You need to keep your strength up.” He clasped you firmly by the hand and pulled you towards the kitchen.  He pulled out a seat and after a moment’s hesitation you sat down. 

“I didn’t know you cooked” you said as Dale began chopping vegetables.

“Oh yeah!” Dale launched into a long explanation about some class he was taking and how he had discovered the local farmers market. You weren’t really listening. Your head felt thick, like there was layer of fog over your thoughts.

“y/n? y/n!” Dale looked at you annoyed. 

“Sorry” your voice cracked “I just…”

Dale blinked, he looked like he was trying to figure out what to say.

“Everything will be fine” he said finally and he turned to the the sink “We just need to make the best of this. It’s like when we lost Toby. It was terrible but it was also a chance to re-evaluate” 

_Everything will be fine? We need to make the best of this? Was he serious? Ev-_

He hasn’t offered his condolences.

Your brain was sluggish, you were trying to scramble thoughts together. Hadn’t he? No, he’s dragged you out here and was trying to feed you soup. All he’d done was talk about himself. He hadn’t acknowledged your grief at all.

You suddenly felt cold.

_No, I’m over thinking this. Not Dale of all people._

But he hadn’t come back to the station with everyone else that morning. He had been so hostile when you had profiled the UNSUB as impotent - offended even.

And he didn’t care. He didn’t care that your parents were dead, that your entire world had collapsed in on itself. Who acted like that?

_A psychopath._

“Dale, I just need to make a quick call” you stood up, quicker than you meant to. You tried to stay calm. “Where’s my phone?”

He reached into his pocket and pulled it out.

Shit.

“Thanks” you held out a hand, amazed it wasn’t shaking. Dale didn’t move.

“Why?”

“To call my team”

“You can’t be involved in this case”

“I don’t want details. I just want to make sure they’re okay. They’re my family too.”

Immediately you knew that had been the wrong thing to say. The look on Dale’s face was pure malice.

“The fucking BAU. Think they’re so clever. You think they give a shit about you? They don’t care about you the way I do”

He moved closer and when you backed away he seized your arm, pulling you close.

“Dale you’re hurting me”

“I’m hurting you? You’ve been doing way worse to me for years and I always forgive you. I was the only one who never treated you like a murderer, the only one who knew you didn’t do it. But you left me and when you finally come back suddenly you think you’re too good to be here just because you’re a fucking FBI agent?”

“Dale please!” his grip was tightening and you were acutely aware that the knife was still in his other hand.

“You’re lucky that someone like me loves you” Dale continued, like he hadn’t even heard you “I could have anyone but I want you.”

He dropped the knife and for a moment you thought you may be safe until his fist slammed into the side of your head.


	7. From The Other Side

Emily rubbed her temples as JJ set the, thankfully large, mug of coffee down in front of her.

“Thanks” she smiled at her “But I’m starting to think it would be more effective to just hook myself up to a coffee IV”

“Don’t let Reid hear that that’s an option” JJ joked. She, Emily and Luke were at the station while the rest of the team were on their way back from y/n’s family home.

“I just can’t get the image of her parents out of my head” said Emily, taking a sip.

“How is she doing?”

“She’s devastated of course. She was all over the place at Coleman’s house. She wanted to be involved but…”

“She’s a victim now” finished JJ.

“If we don’t solve this I don’t know what’s going to happen to her”

“She’s strong” said Luke, turning away from where he had been studying the crime scene photos until he couldn’t bear it any longer “But she’ll be blaming herself right now”

“She thinks she shouldn’t have come back” nodded Emily. JJ frowned. “What are you thinking?”

“Not 100% sure yet. Is the Sheriff around?”

“Yeah he’s in his office”

JJ bounded out, grabbing her phone on the way. She was passed in the hall by the rest of her team making their way back.

“The coroner has made the bodies her top priority “ said Rossi “She’s even drafting in a few colleagues from out of town”

“Is COD the same as out other victims?” asked Luke.

“Actually no” said Tara “They were shot. We think he took her father out first, he was shot in the kitchen and then dragged to the table. Then he shot the others where they were sitting”

“The eyes were removed post mortem just like our other victims” added Reid.

“This is a message obviously” said Emily “Were we getting too close and he got spooked?”

“We barely got a profile together and Garcia hadn’t finished compiling the list of newly released prisoners yet. If she had it would be a long one.” Rossi said “As much as I hate to say it we weren’t close at all”

“Could it be about y/n’s history in the town?” asked Tara “We’ve all seen how the locals regarded her. Could it be revenge?”

“It’s so at odds with the previous victims though” said Luke “And yet it feels so personal”

“That’s because it is. We think we’ve got something.” said JJ marching back in looking like she could take on an army “Garcia you’re on speaker. Y/n could have been the focus from the start”

“What?”

“So a few years after Toby died, y/n left Eddowes Creek right?” said JJ

“Yeah she went and lived with family, an aunt and uncle” confirmed Reid.

“The week after y/n was registered at her new school Selena was blinded by our UNSUB” said Garcia.

“Trigger number one” said JJ “Trigger Two, Sasha was murdered a month after y/n joined the BAU”

“To the day” said Garcia.

“Isn’t that kind of a stretch? I mean there were two murders before that and the BAU weren’t called in until” frowned Luke.

“Close the door” said Emily suddenly. She lowered her voice as she continued. “We weren’t called in after Kaity’s murder”

“But we need to be-” began Reid.

“We were called in after Sasha’s” Emily cut him off.

“What? We aren’t usually called in after one body” said Rossi.

“That’s why we didn’t take the case. He was quite persistent, seemed convinced it was a big case but the Sheriff had a lid on it and at the time it wasn’t serial so…”

“If it wasn’t the Sheriff who requested our help who did? asked Tara

“Deputy Dale Coleman”

The room went silent but there was a charge in the air.

“Garcia pull up-”

“Already done. Dale is the only child of Sheriff Coleman and his wife. She died when Dale was two, an aggressive brain tumour. Nothing much until after the death of Toby Peterson.”

“What happened then?” asked Luke.

“Dale started getting in trouble a lot. He would pick fights, lost quite a few of them based on hospital records but Dad would always bail him out of trouble and then…oh jinkies”

“Garcia?”

“Financial history shows that eight years ago, Dale’s dad got him onto a program for “troubled kids”. He used his wife’s maiden name and the program was based in Morning Springs and Elizabeth Meadow’s body was found during the six weeks that Dale was there.”

“How about five years ago?” asked Emily.

“Well between Elizabeth and Melanie’s murders Dale applied for the army three times and was rejected due to failing a psych eval and he also applied for four different police forces outside of Eddowes Creek, same story there. The week that Melanie was killed Dale joined the Sheriff’s department.”

“Needing his father to get him in to law enforcement may have made him feel like a failure” said Reid “He needs to be in control, when he isn’t he lashes out. He lost his friend - he attacks a prostitute. Then y/n leaves, his only other friend and he driven to attack again?”

“No” said JJ, a look of horror on her face “Look at them. They’re similar enough in looks that y/n could be the woman they are substitutes for. Toby and y/n were dating right? Dale got jealous, kills Toby and then the object of his desire leaves so he goes after women who remind him of her.”

“He stops killing after joining the Sheriff’s department because while it isn’t what he wanted, he does have some power so his desires are somewhat satiated” continued Emily “Then he must have heard y/n joined the BAU and thought a serial killer would be the perfect way to lure her back home.”

“Our profile pissed him off” said Rossi “At the river y/n described him as weak, impotent. He went after her family to prove her wrong.”

“We need to get over there now” said Emily.


	8. Who We Are in The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things finally come to a head with Dale and the truth about what happened fifteen years ago is uncovered.

You were lying face down on the ground, your arms bound tightly behind your back. You tried to move but you head throbbed and a wave of nausea rushed over you. You could hear Dale moving around and the sound of running water.

Luke had promised to check up on you so you would be found eventually. The question was would you still be alive by then? Your tried to calm yourself down by focussing on your surroundings: the smell of the earth, the sound of twigs being snapped underfoot and the rush of the…the river! Yes, you knew where he had taken you. 

Your heart sank. He was definitely going to kill you.

Suddenly you were seized roughly and flipped onto your back. Dale looked down at you with a mixture of fury and digest. You just stared back at him. No fucking way were you going to show this guy any fear. Instead you began to flex your wrists, seeing in there was some way you could get free. Luckily for you Dale had an inflated sense of how smart he was, you could use that to your advantage. You figured your best bet was to keep him talking until the team arrived.

If they arrived.

You pushed that thought from your mind. Ideas like that would get you killed. Instead you focused on Dale.

“Dale what’s going on? This isn’t you, c’mon. We can talk about this”. You were surprised at how steady your voice was.

“I’m done talking” he snapped, grabbing you roughly by the shoulders and pulling you close “You know where we are right?”

“This- this is where Toby…”

“Clever Girl. This is where Toby died. Actually to be more specific…” he dragged you towards the edge of the river and shoved you down “This is where Toby died”

Bile rose in your throat as you took in his words. Toby, your Toby, your first love, your first everything. He’d died right where you were sitting, alone and afraid and at the hands of someone he’d loved like a brother. Dale had murdered him in cold blood….

…just like your family.

* * *

“Sheriff I swear to God if you don’t start co-operating I am going to make it my life’s work to guarantee that you spend at least the next decade in a maximum security prison filled with people who are fully briefed on your law enforcement background”.

Luke looked at Emily with a mixture of awe and fear as she stared down Coleman. The team had raced to his house in the hopes of finding you but instead all that greeted them was blood and signs of someone being dragged out into a car. Luke and Emily had headed back to the station to demand answers while the rest of the team tore the house apart.

“I’m telling you Dale wouldn’t do this” said Coleman though he sounded unconvinced by his own words “He had a small crush on the girl before she-”

“Before she was driven out of town?” interrupted Luke.

“Sheriff” Emily shot Luke a warning look “This is clearly more than a crush and I bet you sensed that right? Even before Toby died?”

“That, that messed Dale up.Toby was like part of our family. Dale changed after that. What was that look for?” he demanded, seeing the look that passed between Luke and Emily. 

“How did Dale feel when Toby and y/n started seeing each other?” asked Luke. The Sheriff squirmed and shrugged.

“Sure he was kinda upset. Dale wasn’t…Dale wasn’t great with girls. He wasn’t great with people but especially girls, when he was…interested in them you know. Y/n and Dale were friends for years but…”

“She never looked his way right? Bet that made him angry, drove a wedge between him and Toby?” asked Emily. The Sheriff swallowed back tears.

“Yeah, he was upset. Had temper problems, always has but Toby’s death was a huge blow. He used to go down to the river all the time afterwards, to…to grieve.”

“The river where Toby died?” asked Luke. The Sheriff nodded.

“You need to take us there” demanded Emily “Luke, call the others and get them to meet us en route”

* * *

“He was your best friend!” you choked out. Dale dropped to his knees, his face now level with yours. his breath was hot and stank of cheap whiskey.

“He was just like everyone else who thinks they’re special, who thinks they are better than me. I spent my entire life coming second to him. First it was at school, then on the wrestling team. He even did a summer working at the Sheriff’s department one summer remember? My own father chose him over me! Then there was you…”

He moved closer to you, a hand coming up and caressing your cheek. It took every ounce of willpower within you not to pull away in revulsion. 

“You never-I never knew you felt that way. You never said-”

The blow came out of nowhere and you saw stars. As you were reeling he seized you by the hair and forced you to look at him.

“You’re a lying fucking whore” he snarled “I did tell you. You chose him over me”

“I don’t…” Your mind raced. You went through every conversation that you could remember but nothing came to mind. God you were going to die here because of a fleeting moment with some dick weasel that you’d thought of as friend.

“It was at a pep rally. I said you could come with me, I’d just got my car, I’d saved for months to buy that. It was red, your favourite colour, I thought you would be so impressed and you said “Oh that’s so sweet but I’m going with Toby. I’ll see you there though, we can go for milkshakes afterwards” You thought you were being sweet, you didn’t know how much it hurt. Everything I did was for you. I took the same classes as you, read all the stupid books and watched all the stupid movies you liked. Went to that gig out of town for that godawful band you were obsessed with when you were fourteen. Every fucking thing I did was for you.”

You looked up at him. He was fuming and you weren’t sure you could calm him down but you had to try. It was the only hope you had of surviving. You cast your eyes down.

“I thought you were just being…being nice” you made your voice soft, meek. You hated yourself for it but you knew Dale needed to feel strong, to feel in control “I didn’t think someone like that would feel that way about me?”

Dale frowned. You could see his hand drift to the gun on his belt as he cocked his head to one side. 

“I mean why would I? I was just me…boring old me and you were…well”

You bit your lip and glanced up. His hand had moved from the gun and his expression had softened a fraction. It was working. While you continued to speak, you could feel the bonds around your wrist loosen a fraction.

“I was so bad at seeing the things - I still am! God if I had thought there was even a smallest chance that you thought of me in that way, God Dale I would have done anything-”

“What about Toby?” Dale snapped.

You feel the rope give a little more. Your heart leapt with the thought that you might actually get free.

“Toby was sweet but everything was such a effort you know? He tried too hard. You were always effortless. You were cool just being you while everything with Toby was a competition or an opportunity to prove something. He had a inferiority complex whereas you were so confident, you didn’t need to do any of that stuff”.

The rope slid from your wrists but you couldn’t make your move yet, Dale could still overpower you. He moved closer, the hand that was on his gun moving slowly to your throat. His touch was soft but you had to tread carefully.

“I used to pretend he was you sometimes” you said quietly, absolutely hating yourself for every single word coming out of your mouth. I’m so sorry Toby.

“I never thought you’d be interested in me and I wish I had because I would have chosen you, I swear”

“I watched you with him” said Dale, staring at your mouth in a way that made you want to scream “Here. The day he died. I wanted you so badly. They way he had you.”

Oh God. You felt unclean, like something beautiful had been irreparably tainted. 

“I loved you so much. I wanted to die when you left”

“But you brought me back right?” you said. Dale’s hand moved from your throat to your hair “You called in the BAU? Was that all for me?” He smiled.

“Yeah. I figured that’s just the sort of case that would get you to come back and your team may be good but they were never going to catch me so you would be here a long time. I started working out, got stronger and faster. I had all these plans for you, to make you see”

So that explained his obsession with seeing, with eyes. The memory of your family’s mutilated faces flashed across your mind but you pushed it back. He would pay for that later.

“I do Dale. I do see.”

“Those things you said by lake.” Dale shifted his weight as he crept in even closer, his face a fraction of an inch away from yours. His hand moved from your hair down your lips, tracing the outline with his fore finger. You got ready move. “Those things made me really upset. Not because they’re true-”

“I know, I know. You were upset we got it so wrong. You put in all that effort and we got it so wrong”

“Yeah”

“Is that why you killed my family?” Dale’s eyes widened and he drew back sharply, unsteadying himself. In that instant your flung yourself forward, sending him flying. 

Dale flailed out dreaming obscenities at you, trying to bring you down with him. You responded with a knee to the groin but in doing so lost your footing and stumbled to the side.

Somewhere in the distance you heard voices. The team, they were coming for you.

Dale roared in anger and dived towards you. Now it was your turn to deliver a blow to the head, and he fell back dazed. The shouts were getting louder, you could hear name and see flashlights coming towards you. You sprang forward and grabbed the gun from Dale’s holster as he clambered back up.

“Don’t even think about it” you snarled at Dale before calling out “I’m over here!”

“You fucking bitch. You aren’t going to use that”

“On your knees. You’re under arrest.”

“I’m not going to prison. You really just going to let me live? After what I did to you? Your Mom? Your Dad?” Anger rose in you, you felt like you were going to burst from all the hatred you felt for this man and you were acutely aware of your finger on the trigger.

“I’m going to make sure you rot Dale. Not just for what you did to them, but for Toby and all those poor girls: Caity, Sasha, Selena-”

“Wanna hear what Danny did huh? Wanna know what the little shit did when knew he was about to die?”

“Shut up!”

“Oh man it was so funny. He cried like a baby, begging for his life like a bitch!” He lunged forward suddenly. He was fast.

You were faster.

The team headed towards the gunshot and found you standing over Dale, shaking.

“He needs an ambulance” you said hoarsely.

“She fucking shot me!” Dale screamed.

“He has a bullet wound in his calf. Just below the knee, left leg-”

“We got this y/n” Luke said gently. You nodded, lowering the gun and allowing yourself to be gently pulled away by Emily and JJ.

“We need to get you checked over at the hospital” said Emily.

“I’m fine really”

“I don’t think she was asking” said JJ as she put her arm around you.

“This is all my-” 

“Don’t even think about finishing that sentence” Emily warned “Dale made his choice. You caught him, you did your job.”

“He killed Toby” you burst into tears as you left the forest “All this time I thought he was my friend and…”

No more words came out, just noisy sobs. JJ led you to the SUV, sitting in the back and holding your hand all the way to the hospital. Emily drove, joined by Reid in the front. The rest of the team were divided between dealing with Dale and organising the chaos at the station.

In the car no one said a word the whole way there, they just let you cry. All the grief and torment, not just from the past few days but from the last fifteen years came pouring out. 

They didn’t need to say anything. it was enough just having them there.


	9. Home Is Not A Place

The next week was a blur. You weren’t allowed to be an active part of the investigation anymore but Emily didn’t want to send you back to Virginia on your own. Magically the local motel had exactly the right number of free rooms for the team and so everything was moved there while your parents’ house was sorted out. It was too overwhelming for you to deal with immediately but JJ was a saint in that regard. She was also helping you with funeral arrangements, holding your hand each step of the way and always knowing exactly what to say when you would break down in tears.

The motel was not the only revelation. It turned out that in fact at least half the town had, as they kept insisting, always believed in your innocence fifteen years ago. At first you had been too broken to care when they shuffled up to the motel with their condolences and platitudes but as the fog of despair slowly lifted anger took over. You found yourself shouting down anyone who “always knew you could never have done such a terrible thing”. Luke had to hold you back when Pam slithered in one day with a smarmy apology and a basket of dry muffins. 

Once Luke had got Pam to leave you screamed and raved and cried until you collapsed on the bed exhausted. They hypocrisy of it all was the hardest to bear. If Toby’s death had been investigated properly back then your family would be alive now. The rest of the town was suitably ashamed and people went out of the way to avoid eye contact with you when you left the motel, scurrying away with guilty looks on their faces.

The team took turns in looking after you and while you wanted to protest that you didn’t need a baby sitter in truth you did. Garcia flew in from Quantico and cobbled together an impromptu girls’ night in your motel room, Rossi spent a day regaling with stories of when the BAU was first started, Reid went back to your parents’ house and gathered together a stack of your favourite childhood books and read them to you as you fell asleep and Luke and Tara rented your favourite movies to watch while eating junk food.

For the most part it worked excellently to take your mind off of the funeral but as the day approached you retreated within yourself. You still hadn’t been back to the house. It had stopped being your home when you were run out of town but it had been a sort of sanctuary on your return. You realised that in some deep part of your mind you always assumed you would get to come back on your own terms.

That morning of the funeral was obscenely sunny, like the universe hadn’t got the memo. You wanted the heavens to open and the whole town be drowned. JJ helped you get ready and the team accompanied you to the church.

The whole town was there. You blood started to boil as your gaze swept the church but Emily laid a gentle hand on your arm. It wasn’t worth it, they weren’t worth it. 

Your Aunt and Uncle had come along with a large number of students and staff from the agricultural college that had worked on the farm and had all benefitted from your family’s hospitality. It was based out of town so there had never been the same animosity from them. You shook their hands and accepted their condolences gratefully. 

The service was brief and slightly impersonal. You hadn’t wanted anyone from to speak and you yourself didn’t have in in you. Instead you picked out the song your parents’ danced to at their wedding, a favourite poem of Danny’s and had given the preacher a few family stories to read out. They wouldn’t have wanted you to dwell on the sadness and when you were outside, watching them be lowered into the ground you felt oddly calm. You were still sad but it was almost as if they were still there with you. 

You had invited the team and your aunt and uncle to the house after the burial, no one else. JJ and Emily between them had made sure there was no trace left of what happened and had offered to help you with the paperwork and legal stuff in the coming months.

You were nervous about going back but at least you wouldn’t be alone. As you were heading back to the car you felt a hand touch your arm. Turning, you found yourself face to face with Sheriff Coleman. Well, ex-Sheriff now. Two days after Dale’s arrest he had turned in his badge. You had been so deep in mourning you hadn’t cared about it either way. Now you bristled at his touch, your blood pressure rising.

“I’m sorry” he choked out. He’d clearly being crying, and drinking by the smell of it. You said nothing but didn’t move as JJ tugged your arm. 

“If I could go back I would. I’d change it all. All of it. For Toby and you and for Dale. It was all my fault all of this”

As he sobbed you felt a twinge of pity in your chest, not enough for forgiveness but enough to help you swallow down the bile you wanted to fling at him. He seemed pathetic and lost, standing there in front of you.

“You can’t go back” you said “You can atone though, try and make up for everything. You started when you quit. Keep going.”

“I’m sorry I took everything away from you” he mumbled “You were a kid, you’d lost someone you loved and then you lost your home and it’s all my fault.”

“This wasn’t my home”

You walked away, everything had been said. In the car Emily turned round to look at you, something unreadable in her eyes.

“Is that was really how you feel?”

You glanced out the window as streets and buildings that were once so familiar rolled by.

“It is” you said “My home is with you guys. The way I felt about here was never like the way I feel about the BAU. You’re my home. I couldn’t have done any of this without you”

“Whatever happens next, we’re all here, every single one of us” said Emily.

You knew that was true and you knew that because of that, the pain and sadness that was overwhelming you know would fade one day.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. This fic is also being posted on my Tumblr and will be updated once a week <3


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